No Blogging... blame Bramble! (NO that's not patience you can see, it's an illusion!)
I have been trying to write this post for what feels like weeks, but is only a week and a half! Tuesday morning (after the last blog post) I rode like a total muppet - no really, I did :( - so I've asked about some lessons on the lunge to sort my position out but especially my hands. After riding I saw my doc at the Hospice, and she doubled all my meds again, however, Tuesday pm, things started to get bad as early as 1 in the afternoon. I've basically had another one of those weeks from hell, with abdominal pain that was verging on that of pancreatitis or a gallbladder attack. Like cripplingly severe - cry your eyes out kind of pain/can't think/can't talk/can't do anything but rock back and forth and howl. (My poor poor family!) By Saturday morning I was in such a mess I phoned the hospice to speak to my palliative care specialist, and thank God, she was there that weekend - so I got catheterised (yeuck!), and examined (all okay), and the meds all upped again. Massively.
At last I got a good night's sleep (first one in over a week), and awoke feeling fantastic, so I ran downstairs, and rang my friend to tell her I could take the girls riding. I was horrified when she said very sensibly I might add, that she would prefer it if I didn't drive just yet, given how much opiate painkillers I am now taking, and I foolishly got all upset about it. You see, my body has been a right old mess admittedly, but my mind is clear and my faculties have not been affected (honestly!). I tried to explain that I would only drive if I felt 100% safe in doing so, but the poor woman stuck to her guns, and so I said I'd meet her there. Of course as soon as I put the phone down, a wave of dizziness and nausea hit me from out of nowhere, and I had to call her back (in disgrace) to ask if she could take me and my little 'un after all, because I really couldn't have driven for all the laxatives in Boots!
I got very emotionally upset about all of that because as I keep saying (like some kind of loony...) MY HEAD IS FINE!!! I am not drunk and stumbling around thinking I am walking in a straight line, or can do x, y, or z when I clearly cannot.
But long term illness gets you that way. People have to care for you/see you at your worst, when you're throwing up or feel so bad you can't think straight because of the pain, and I find I am constantly trying to defend my mental capacities/judgemental ability. And no one has treated me like a child either, so it's not like I have reason to feel like this (and anyway that was last week, and I feel fine now!). Apart from when people phone me and say stupid bloody things like, "Have you taken your painkillers?!" Er, no. I thought I'd just leave them and roll up into a ball for the rest of the day! Of course I've taken my effing meds!!!
Monday was better and I was going to blog, but then I had some unexpected visitors (to be fair, one of them was written on the calendar in the kitchen, but I'd forgotten!), and got nothing done, but it was lovely to see K, and my long lost bosom buddy L.
Tuesday I had a lunge lesson, and improved my position and hands somewhat. I did drive, but I asked my dad to come with me, so he could take over if I was too tired at the end of the lesson to drive home. Didn't blog.
At last - the muppet sits up tall!!!
Wednesday was go to get more Tarceva day. No blogging, but lots of face-booking ( it's easier to write one line or so, than a whole blog post).
Yesterday it was back to excruciating pain again, but it turned out to be a load of crap - quite literally!!! After about 3 hours on the loo, my legs had gone dead, but my stomach felt better.
Today, I receive my order of A&W Root Beer. And it amazes me how a smell and/or a flavour can whisk us back in time over 3o years. I've been thinking about my childhood a lot recently, mainly due to being in contact with my cousins, who were more like sisters and a brother to me, as I grew up with them in BC until I was nearly 7. And they've been posting cute pics of us all when we were kids.
Possibly the bestest drink in the world - I can't think why the English dislike it so much!!!
I've done all my Christmas shopping on-line - thank God for the Internet!!! And the tree is done - thanks to little 'un and NeeNee, and Hubby for agreeing to me getting a real one for a change - the house is already full of pine needles but I love it! YAY for the smell of a real tree!!! This is gonna be the best Christmas so far!!!
The Tree 2008...
Righto - will not leave it so long next time. Promise.