Sunday, 26 August 2007

10st 9lbs, 0 fags, 5kg nuts, 0.54 mile, 52 words


Please not the shoes are skateboarding alone, and never with me in them!


You see what happens? Swim 40 lengths and it takes until Sunday to recover enough to blog again!

Actually, seeing as I've turned into such a fat b**t**d, I'm going to subject you to what I've been doing about it. I feel like Bridget Jones except of course I have 2 children and have married my Mr Darcy already, and am so content that the big knickers have invaded the lingerie draw and chocolates have infested the kitchen. (And crisps. Salt & Vinegar ones).

So on Wednesday I had a riding lesson and it damn near killed me. No really. What effort. I snorted and huffed and puffed all the way around our 20 metre circle, cursing the bloke at the health club who insists riding is NOT a CV (that's cardio vascular, or OUT OF PUFF to you and me). I was at the VERY OUT OF PUFF stage after only 15 mins riding. Hacking is so much easier!

So I went and swam another 40 lengths on Thursday, and bought running shoes (oh dear). So I had to justify the purchase by actually running.

Running. What a shite activity. Okay, I get out of puff in a riding lesson, but it is fun. Running is crap. I ran around the block. I got half way and collapsed - chest heaving, boobs killing me (must invest in a sports bra), eye-balls popping, bent double. I had a stitch and wanted to throw up. The men sitting in the pub garden were shouting things like, "Way hey - what have we got here then?" I don't know what we've got here - a fat bastard who's trying to get fit and would rather other fat bastards left her alone, perhaps? (I don't know if they were fat but I could smell their fags and wanted one so I staggered on by and didn't look).

A friend rang the other day and said she runs for an hour. An hour?!!!! Is she taking the piss? I ran for 3 minutes and nearly had a heart attack. The following day I got three quarters of the way around the block, and went early before the pub opened (HA!). Same side effects but did make progress, only today my calves are like rocks and not very cheery at all. I'll keep you posted as to how I get on, and for your info (yeah - like you care but hey...) it's half a mile around my block. I measured it on Google Earth cos you can do clever stuff like that.

In fact I spent a good couple of writing hours measuring distances on Google. My old apartment in Spain, for example, was 0.16 miles from the beach on foot. I used to walk a minimum of 5 miles a day, and was so skint I ate very little. Hence I was lovely and slender when I lived there. Unlike here where I am the product of having a car, a husband who provides for me, a job of my own, and am not smoking so have an appetite.

I think I have bored you enough. Can't remember where the writing is up to but am writing again! Hurrah! This novel will get finished if it bloody kills me. But am determined to get fit too!

Curse the purchase of running shoes... and Jon - how the hell did you run a marathon?!!!!!

11 comments:

Chilli said...

Runs for an hour?! Bloody hell fire! She's mad!
I'll stick to swimming and skateboarding thanks very much....they don't make me feel like i'm dying in quite the same way that running does!!!

hesitant scribe said...

You'll be soooo impressed - I didn't want to run tonight but felt guilty so I went on a bike ride instead. 4.5 miles according to Google Earth. Aching but pleased!

Helen said...

I used to love running until I did my ankle in.

I have 'Running Made Easy' - a brilliant book by Susie Whalley and Lisa Jackson (& Zest mag).

It has training plans in there for various distances and builds you up with things like 2 mins running and 2 mins walking. I may start doing their plans again once I have more confidence in my ankle.

Good luck!

liz fenwick said...

More power to you. I HATE running :-)

hesitant scribe said...

Helen - hmm, must remember to watch those ankles, especially as mine are little weaklings that just love to roll over! In fact one of them did that at Tesco (other supermarkets are available!) the other day to the hilarity of the bloke pushing the trolleys. Not funny :(

Liz - I too, hate running! It is a dreadful thing to do. I hated it when I ran 400m and 600m (School MADE me) and still hate it, but I must say, it really gets you fit!

Jon M said...

Runnings fine, a lot of it happens in your head! I used lamposts to start with, run one walk one, run two walk one and built up there. Vary routes, make it fun (!)Running marathons is slightly different and involves running at stupid times and in the dark and all sorts of nonsense!

Keep it up and remeber- Rest days are as important as exercise days! :-)

JJ said...

I went to watch my sister in law run the London Marathon once. That's when I realised that we might all be people, but boy, were we different.
Cycling: yes.
Running: no.

hesitant scribe said...

Jon - ah yes - rest days! The lamp post thing is a good idea too!

JJ - hmm - never a truer word written!

Today I did the block with my youngest cycling alongside - and that was erm.. well.. interesting. Then I swam 30 x 25m and then I went to the osteopath lady to have all my bits clicked back into place - fabulous! Wish I could go to her once a week LOL!

Jon M said...

Or as Mrs M often says as I head out of the door: 'Run, Forest, Run!'

Jen said...

Oh, I feel your pain. I used to run for 40 minutes every day but, after trashing my knee and ending up having them both operated on, that was that.

Am currently on the India Knight Foolproof diet and feeling a bit grumpy that I'm not svelte and irresistible after a full week.

Biking is better than running. Being a natural skinny would be heaven. Sigh.

hesitant scribe said...

40 minutes? OMG! A whole 40 minutes?!!! It takes me 5 minutes to run around the block (my half mile) and that is as much as I can do. 40 sounds like total utter hell!!!!

As for being naturally skinny - I did used to be natural skinny but something has gone wrong somewhere! Age? Lack of nicotine? Academia?!