Aqui Estoy!

Hard to follow at post like that, eh!

But Aqui Estoy - I am still here!

In response to Zinnia's comment to post below - yes, it has been a rough few days - really rough, but you know, it is amazing how fast you get your head round stuff like this. And I want to say to anyone else who gets news like this, that you just have to be positive and not let the fear demons get you.

My aunt rang me from Vancouver Island, and she really gave me a sense of inner calm. She's just come through this herself, and the more stories I hear of people fighting cancer and winning, the better I feel.

And I am not alone. That means soooo much.

And the 'signs' that this atheist doesn't believe in - ha ha - have been coming thick and fast... to make me laugh, and smile, and shake my head in disbelief...

1. A couple of weeks ago I had a weird dream in which I found myself on a little rowing boat on dark still waters. Death was with me, complete with his cowl and scythe. It occurred to me that there was no fear at all. We chatted for hours, like old friends, and though I can't remember what about, in the morning, as the darkness gave way to the sunrise, Death set me down on the shore and said he'd be seeing me, but not for while. I thought it was about the gallstones, but obviously my subconscious was telling me I'm not going to be crossing the Styx due to this tumour.

2. When the news was first delivered, the cancer nurse asked me to write down her number, and the only paper I had was a post-it pad from the Roy Castle Fighting Lung Cancer organisation! Uncanny.

3. I did a spread using the Mah Jongg cards I have. I don't do it very often and it is has never been wrong so far. The first card up in the centre was the Unicorn - recovery from ill health and looking to the future! The rest of the cards said an unusual freak event followed by care from friends and family, and the problems were ill health and a stroke of bad luck with the solution represented by The Woodcutter (who hacks through entanglements) and The Phoenix (who rises from the ashes). And in the end, it said recovery and a new phase of life begins. The final card was another Unicorn.

So even the coincidences are right on the money!

Pain is still bearable so it could be so much worse. Fingers crossed they can get it with the needle tomorrow and biopsy it, but today I am listening to Flamenco and feeling very positive. As may father-in-law put it, I'm in a very long dark tunnel, but there is light at the end of it, and no truck coming the other way. And then my dad added that everyone was walking through it with me...

.... *fillin' up*

Er... better get on with that novel now. I've had so many excuses for so long, and now I can't go to work for a while, I can use writing to cure myself!

Will keep you all posted whether you like it or not!!!!!

Thank you for all your positive vibes... keep them coming, please XXX