... but looking on the bright side...

Things have been a bit weird this week. I'm not sure if it's really appropriate to blog about this, but then my father-in-law said, "You haven't updated your blog since," and I thought, yes - I do need to talk about it - so I am...

I had the results of the CT Scan really fast. Next day fast. And then you kind of know that something is not quite right.

My gallbladder surgeon called me in the very next day. He had that smile that medical people get just before they drop a bomb.

"I've cancelled the gallbladder operation," he said. And then those words... "I'm so sorry..."

It turns out that the pain in the left shoulder and arm is being caused by a 3cm pancoast tumour in my left lung. The surgeon said he thought something was wrong - a lot more wrong than gallstones, and so he ordered the CT scan to make sure. And thank God he did.

I saw the lung specialist yesterday, and he was very positive. He said worse case scenario is that I have lung cancer and cancer in the lymph nodes, but it isn't in the bones, and it is treatable.

Treatable.

I am focusing on this, and being as positive as possible. After all, I can't let this beat me, and I intend to fight it all the way - if anyone knows about visualisation techniques for cancer, do let me know :) Apparently it can be really good in conjunction with surgery/chemo/radio etc. I'm willing to try anything!

What else can I say? Everyone has been so wonderful, and I send out my thanks to those of you who know me - who have sat for hours listening to me sobbing, and held my hand to get me through the fear. I feel so sorry for my family... I hope I'm not going to be too much of a burden on them.

On the bright side, the lung specialist said we got it early, and that although the road ahead is going to be rough, it is do-able. Lots of people have open-chest surgery and survive so there's no reason why I shouldn't. And what's a bit of pain in the grand scheme of things? I'm in pain all the time anyway so should be getting good at dealing with it! And ginger - ginger is good for nausea...

I have to be brave, I tell myself, and I will get through this. [Repeat until it sinks in.]

It is an awful thing but laughter is a good medicine so do feel free to send me jokes ha ha.

Now is not the time to be frightened of a few poxy needles. We have much bigger fish to fry. I'm having another CT scan on Monday with a needle biopsy - so that'll be fun. I think the CT scanner is going to become quite a regular occurrence, and as for the old surgery, well, let's deal with that when we get there, eh.

At least I haven't been given a death sentence. It could've been far worse.

So... I'm officially off work for the time being, and as I say, people have been absolutely fantastic. I think I just need to keep hearing all the positive stories of recovery, and the cancer nurses are fab. They are at the ready with the hankies and I even got a cup of tea yesterday. That's when you know you're proper poorly!

I'll keep writing. It's good to talk about it, I think. It's good because it keeps me telling myself I am going to survive this.

Wish me luck for the CT Scan on Monday - fingers crossed they can reach the little bastard to get a biopsy.

Will keep you posted!