Saturday, 26 January 2008

Sailing through on a rough-ish sea...

I said I would sail through this chemotherapy lark, but so far I haven't been able to book a riding lesson.

Or drive my car.

Or even edit that blinkin' story!

But I am getting out of bed everyday. I am off the anti-nausea tabs (today) and not hurling, or peeing myself, or falling over (although I do feel as though I've downed a bottle of vodka). And people have been coming and taking me out of the house which is fabulous. And I put a wash on - hurrah!

Chemo is a hard business I've decided, and am still trying to find a good acupuncture therapist (5 elements you say, zinnia?) because I think my Chi needs some serious re-alignment! I feel physically drained; a kind of deep wipe-outedness rather like being pregnant (oddly?!) Little one made me toast this morning, and then hurtled up the stairs so fast she crashed into the wall. I could hear the tears but could do nothing about it, but all was well. The toast was perfect and even dust free, and she had the biggest smile on her face at having managed what had seemed to her to be an impossible task.

So we are all growing through this experience. The universe doesn't send us stuff to deal with that we can't handle. I have known this throughout my life. When I was a single parent in Spain with a toddler and no hope of staying, I threw myself into the ether and knew the universe would provide. And it did. I met Desiree and she rented us all an apartment, and then 2 days later I got a job. I've been blessed like that. Truly. And I still am being blessed. Everyday. Remember that, you lot, when you get fed up and lost in the misery of the every day - YOU CAN DO IT!

I tried to do some Yoga today, and managed 15 mins before lying down for another 15. For someone who's been hyperactive for years, this is quite disturbing to say the least. So I walked into the village to buy a tv guide and some chocolate - or rather floated into the village on slightly wobbly legs. And I never made it all in one go either, having to call in on a neighbour for a brew half way back! Bugger bugger bugger!

I spoke to my new friend, S, last night, and she said she feels equally spaced out. Given that most of our meds are identical, it is a relief to discover that I'm not the only one feeling like this. We are both going nuts wanting to drive and carry on as normal, but equally being patient and accepting that we'll just have to wait a bit. Ho hum. She's had to shave her hair off last night, so my heart goes out to her - (I bet you look gorgeous cariña!). We know these things will happen but it is still a shock no less, when it comes to getting the clippers out.

I still appear to have hair, but wonder for how much longer. They said mine mightn't fall out because my drugs are slightly different, (which will be a relief for Amanda, who rather stupidly promised to shave her hair off when I do?!). How is that for courage, friendship and support, eh!

Oh well. Think I'll try to go to the movies today. Do something normal, you know. I have a deadline for this story, and am visualising getting it done so that it will be so. Even writing this higgeldy-piggeldy blog entry is helping to clear my mind up a little more.

Hope everyone out there is well! Am gonna go, cos not making an awful lot of sense I don't think! :)


Zinnia Cyclamen said...

You can find a fully qualified five-element acupuncturist here Sounds like you're doing really well. Movies good plan, hope you find an enjoyable one.

Lane said...

You're making a hell of a lot of sense and you're doing brilliantly.

You may not be up to doing things like driving or riding yet but your spirit is amazing.

Hope you managed to see a good film:-)

Twellzy said...

Yo there young laydee,

sorry didn't get to pop round today.....had a tad more stuff to do that I thought.....In Nicky's shed!
Thinking of ya...


Jon M said...

Making lots of sense, Lisa! Keep on! What are you going to see?

Lucy Diamond said...

Yes don't worry, all very lucid, perfect sense! (which is more than most of us can say...)
Hope you are up to driving etc soon but it sounds like you're coping brilliantly in the meantime

hesitant scribe said...

Hi All - am still here! Have been very busy and will update in a bit xxx

jon - went to see St. Trinian's - t'was very funny.