Wednesday, 16 January 2008

A temporary hiccup

I wanted to be as honest as possible with you all about the ups and downs of this horrid illness.

So this is just to say that today is a difficult day.

Really difficult.

It's like you ride along on a wave of confident positive thinking, accept the situation, make decisions to evoke change, even eating spinach!!!

And then you fall off the surf-board of life and a big massive wave smashes over your head and threatens to drown your miserable little arse.

So today I am crying. A lot. I don't want to die. I don't want to have cancer. I want to wake up and find it was all a dream.

But that isn't going to happen, is it?

So I'm going to scrape myself off the floor again, and start over. My poor Dad just did his bit on the phone, and that's helped so much. And I'm waiting for my friend to visit from down south, so will try not to be sitting in a pool of tears when she arrives!

13 comments:

Lazy Perfectionista said...

I'm thinking of you - it must be so hard. It's probably a good thing that you can let the negativity out though, and a good cry can work wonders. I hope your friend cheers you up, and you have a lovely time with them!

CTaylor said...

Oh Lisa. I'm sorry you're going through it at the moment. It must be bloody, bloody hard to keep positive and look on the bright side. I think crying is healthy (at least I hope so, I do it a lot!) and you just need to let go and be miserable for a bit. I think it's your body letting go of lots of tension.

Can you find a way to treat yourself today? A bubble bath, a funny movie and a bar of choc? Or maybe a sad movie and a bar of choc and let it all out? x

Zinnia Cyclamen said...

Honesty is the best policy. And crying when you need to is essential. You're bound to have difficult days, but the good days inbetween will come around again, and that'll happen faster if you express your feelings as they arise instead of trying to suppress them. If your friend from down south is a real friend, which I expect she is as she's travelling some distance to visit, she'll be happy to see you whatever kind of state you're in when she gets there. As the saying goes: that's what friends are for.

JJ said...

The very nature of good days means that you'll have bad days too. They will pass and you'll get back to good ones. I'm sorry you feel sad and frightened today but really glad to hear you have a friend coming to visit. That will do wonders for you - even if it's to have a weep together.
Take care and lots of love & hugs.
JJx

NoviceNovelist said...

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you today HS. Let all the tears out and don't worry who sees you doing it. Poeple who love you care about you in all states. I hope you have a lovely time with your friend and share some laughter. Hope the good days come back to you soon.

Chilli said...

BIG HUGS!

I am back from London, was back at the weekend but have been in work since and am on nights now :-/

Anyway, Friday I shall endeavour to get up and out of the house and come to see you, my friend. For smiles or tears but definitely tea, lots of it!

Stay positive, you can beat this.

liz fenwick said...

Sending ((()))s and tissues. love,
liz x

hesitant scribe said...

Thanks for all your lovely comments.

*sniff*

Am not crying too much now, just little baby waves of it, like the end of the storm.

Chemo starts on Monday so fearful, anxious, and also wanting to get on with it, to begin the getting better process.

I did cry all over my friend, and she didn't/doesn't mind at all!

yes - come see me Fri Chilli - looking forward to it.

*sniffling less and less*

Zinnia Cyclamen said...

So on Tuesday will you be writing a blog post called 'Finding Chemo'?

Lane said...

When we feel overwhelmed or helpless, crying is the body's way of releasing tension. (so I've heard). So see? ....It's a positive thing. And when you've cried it out, you feel better.
Still sending you every single good vibe possible.

(lol at Zinnia's comment!)

Jon M said...

Thinking good thoughts, Lisa. Being upbeat and 'everything's fine' could be a little scary so crying is probably a jolly good thing!

hesitant scribe said...

Crying is officially useful - it not helps to clear crap away when just depressed, but also helps when in agony!!!

Jon - is soooo scary! Christ. Hanging on by finger nails most of the time BUT hanging on all the same!

Pacha said...

I imagine it will be waves for a bit now. Sometimes waves of positive feeling followed by negative in the same minute. And I agree with you all it is good to cry and get it all out. You can't be a superheroine all the time. I think you are being so incredibly strong and brave.

Lisa, good luck with the Chemo on Monday. I'll be sending a channel of strength and positive thoughts from us over here.

Thinking of you and hoping recovery is quick quick quick!