Monday, 14 January 2008

Today is another Good Day!!!

Riding Biko in September, Andalucia

I've been riding again today - what joy! Big old Henry starts out stiff and choppy, but we managed to settle down and have a stretch. I had a shared lesson with a friend, and at one point, as Teddy went into canter, Henry thought it was a race and took off down the long stretch of the school - all his hunting days coming back to him I guess. Most exhilarating. For an old man, he can't half go when he wants too!

What else?

Went to see a foal yesterday - less than 2 days old!!! Am sooo lucky!

Writing - am actually doing some and have a wee project in the pipeline... Maybe nothing will come of it but we'll see. I shall let you know if I have any joy after the editing is done and it is read.

You know, life is good. I've been cooking more, spending lots of quality time with people, enjoying my children. I feel healthier than I have done in years (apart from the pain in shoulder). Given that I can't change the past, and alter the diagnosis, I've decided to try to see the positive side of it, and there are lots of positives. Believe it or not!

Firstly, I've worked out what my priorities are, and what I want to do with my life. I realised that all the stuff I dabbled in over the years, in terms of Eastern philosophies and self development, are actually very important.

I am learning to sit still, and to still my mind. Trying to at least. I am visualising myself healthy and well, eating better, and trying to do some yoga (very basic - breathing and stuff). It is all helping me to think more clearly.

The best lesson in all of this is that people are fantastic. The strength of the human spirit is quite amazing and wonderful. It's when awful things happen that we learn this. I am so grateful and so blessed - whenever things have gone to pieces in my life, I have always had the right people around me to carry me over the worst of it. So I've learned to remember those times, and this current situation, and remember that people are essentially good.

And I love my life! My goodness. I've been working so hard for the past 10 years that I forgot about everything else. I did A levels, a degree, a PGCE, started lecturing and did an MA, and then straight onto a PhD. Phew! What did I expect my body to do but succumb to illness! Now, all that energy and drive I put into academic pursuits, will be ploughed into getting well again.

This whole experience has been incredible, and so many wonderful things have come out of it, I can't tell you. It's as though my life was a jar filled with layers of sediment, and then something grabbed it with both hands and shook it all up, and planted it upside-down. I think the lesson is to make sure I don't let the stuff in the jar stagnate again.

I should have learned all this before really, but before the threats to my life came from without, and this cancer business is most definitely within. But when my aunt who is recovering from breast cancer said to me, "Isn't it wonderful!" I struggled to see what she meant, and now I know. i understand. Sometimes we need a kick up the backside to make us see what matters, and this is my kick up the backside. My chance to improve my life and do what I'm supposed to be doing.

So. Surprisingly, happy days! Thank you to everyone who has supported me so far. I hope I can be of use to you sometime in return!


JJ said...

Well, maybe you are being of help already. This is amazing and inspiring stuff that you're learning and imparting to us. I have changes that need to be made. Perhaps I should make them now, rather than after getting ill or having a nasty shock...
Glad you're enjoying the riding - that's great news.

hesitant scribe said...

JJ - be kind on yourself and focus on what really matters to you - it isn't always easy but it's helping me no end!

And th riding is, as ever, totally fabulous! Best thing I ever did was phoning that riding school Sept 2006!

Zinnia Cyclamen said...

So glad you're seeing the positives. And, yes, aren't there a lot of them when you start noticing? And I think JJ is right, that you are being useful by sharing your journey so fully and openly with us.

Lane said...

I love the sand jar analogy. As jj and Zinnia have said, you are being of help, allowing us to follow your progress and being so positive. What you're going through is making me look more closely at my own life. Thank you.
And I'm so glad you're getting so much out of riding. I love that photo:-)

Pacha said...

What a beautiful post Lisa. Beautiful and even a little magical!

Amanda said...

Just Like to second the above comment, I can't realy say more.