Monday, 4 February 2008

An Award - Oh My!!!! And Lunch! And presents! What a fab day! And a bit on meditation too.

I have had such a lovely day!

First of all, I drove up to Uni and collected my friend (fellow Creative Writing Lecturer) and we went for lunch. We sat by a real log fire, and I even managed to get a coffee down me, and enjoy it (chemo does funny things to your taste buds!).

And look at what she bought for me - as well as lunch! Thank you! I love them!

What shall I name them?!

We talked about writing for ages - it was sooo nice to do that! And I felt all inspired, and came home and did some actual real proper work! *big grins but won't be smug till it is finished* Rather worryingly, I saw one of my teaching students from Children's Lit, and she had this look on her face, the kind of look people reserve for the terminally ill. I said, "I'm not dying!" and she said, "Aren't you?! Oh thank God!" So I've no idea how she got that idea. It's the word cancer I suppose. Scares the bejesus out of us all! I've decided I am definitely NOT going to let this get me, and refuse to listen to anything to the contrary!

As well as writing, I've been archiving my blog (paranoid incase it should disappear into the ether one day). The experiment has certainly worked, and I have written a lot more than I realised, but on the other hand, I don't half talk some rubbish, eh! Most red-faced making of all, is the realisation that the novel is still only half done, and most poignant of all are the early July posts about having chest pains. Oh dear.

But it isn't all bad, and now I'm off sick and have an idea of how the chemo is going to affect me, I can plan writing around it, and at last get my novel written. Then I can hassle you all to read it - ha ha ha!

Along with the Spinach and the Broccoli, I've also been doing some meditation, and this is what has helped me to gain a calm (er) state of mind over my health. No idea if I'm doing it 'properly' or not, but I've made a little quiet place to sit. I think it's a really useful thing to do if you're feeling stressed over anything at all, as it gives your mind a little break from all its usual faffing about like a headless chicken. As long as you don't get stressed about the actual 'doing it' bit - because then you end up more stressed!

If you want a go, just try sitting down and counting your breaths. In and out. And when you get a thought (which you will if you are still breathing!) just try to ignore it and count your breaths again. I've been chanting in my head, "hour by hour, day by day, I'm healthier and stronger in every way" but that's because I'm a tad poorly, and one of my healing books says to do that. You can say whatever you like, if it helps! Or just breathe.

Buddha and Friends - a reminder of the strength of our minds


And my award - from JJ. Thank you! Am all chuffed to bits now!


maresy said...

Remember it is not how others perceive you that matters, (the mom thinking you were unwell) but how you see yourself, as that will shine through and people will SEE that you are well and healthy. Positive and glowing of health and wellness. Keep up the great job, you are doing wonderfully, I can't wait to read your book. Love Marion

Zinnia Cyclamen said...

What great news - going out for lunch, getting to talk about writing (I love it when I can do that too), doing some actual real proper work, meditation - all sounds fab. Am rubbish at names, sorry... hope the acupuncture goes well today, will be thinking of you.

hesitant scribe said...

marion - I know :) It's just I wondered what on earth the rumour mill at work was up to, and wanted to set everyone straight about me being very much alive and kicking!

zinnia - it was great - need much more of it! I'm equally crap at names so 'ponies' will have to do! Actually, will rope the little one in for her ideas...

JJ said...

You're very welcome. What a lovely rest of the day too. How are you archiving the blog?


hesitant scribe said...

hi jj - just printing it all off and sticking it in a folder really. I wanted everyone's comments as well as what I've written you see. S'pose I should keep an electronic copy too, but then that would be organised!

Pacha said...

I love reading your posts. I love the power behind them. The determination and positivity (and even how you embrace the bad days). I love that that feeling is contagious. That I come away reading your blog all pysched up and wanting to throw myself into a billion projects (including meditation!)

You should be so proud of yourself (and smug even if the novel isn't finished!)

hesitant scribe said...

I don't know what to say..

*blushes all pink and red and pink again*

but it makes me very happy to know that I'm doing something right!

Lane said...

So glad you had a good day.

Archiving your blog is a good idea. You've written such a great posts, it would be awful if they were lost.

Loving the little china horsies:-)

Anonymous said...

Hi Lisa,

That student was me! I was shocked to see you and looking so well...apologies for the OMG look but I was thinking, "F***, watch what you say brain." You know how erm tactful I am too {coff}. AND my Mum wasn't lucky enough to have her stuff cut out so when I heard fifth hand from another student I did get the wrong impression. Don't give it a second thought - if I had brains - I'd be dangerous!

Anyway, passed Child Lit - not too happy with the marks but in the middle of placement and not having had the book list to read in the summer from Big D (he doesn't read this does he? ..(swear words deleted upon reflection)...- you did yer job well!

hesitant scribe said...

lane - thank you - I wanted to keep printed copies for all your wonderful comments too!

Anon - oh it's okay chuck! I wasn't annoyed - and it's difficult to tell people you've got cancer because you know it's hard on people having to hear it too - especially people like yourself who've had a crap cancer experience. I am sorry about your mum - it's awful. Thanks for comments re: teaching - glad you enjoyed the course! I really enjoyed teaching you all too! And you passed which is all that matters my dear! Good luck with the placements and the rest of the course.