Sunday, 17 February 2008

still sick :(

I've been composing this in my sleep because I've been too bloody ill to move. Have decided to rant today.


So this morning I cracked and had a little whinge. It's just too frustrating. That Blue Bladge I felt fraudulent using? Yesterday, I could hardly make it around one shop and back to the car. I think my counts must be crashing early so that I spent the day sick and breathless, and moving at a snail's pace. I didn't sleep all night due to the pain in my left arm, and the old costochondritis feeling like a heart attack...

I still feel like crap, so not blogging much today either. I'm not curled up in a ball, but not far off it.

This is too utterly annoying and depressing for words! But before you get all bloody sympathetic with me, forget it! It'll only make me worse! The only thing to do is to keep going and I keep hearing about the bitterer the medicine, and this chemo lark, is certainly bitter. It's like the accounts I was reading in the Lance Armstrong books before I started - and they've all been there too. I'm not the first, or sadly the last.

I kept a diary last cycle and was equally screwed at this time the first weekend, so it should clear again by tomorrow. And the pain - at least the medicine is working and the nerves are coming back to life, eh!

Yes. Tomorrow is going to be a good day and I will do something nice.

Maybe even get some bloody writing done, eh! PhD novelist blog. HA HA HA! What a larf!!!!


Zinnia Cyclamen said...

Don't worry, I wouldn't dream of being sympathetic! I can be complimentary, though, right? I really admire how honest you're being about this journey, with all its twists and turns, on your blog. I won't be around for a week or so now as I'm going on holiday, but I'll be thinking of you, and I'll be over here to say hello just as soon as I'm back in blogland.

JJ said...

Yup, no sympathy here either then. But point your anger at those bloody bad cells and they really will shrivel and die!

Lane said...

It's very hard not be sympathetic but I'll do as you say:-)
Tomorrow will be better and the writing (and horsies) will still be there.

(((unsympathetic but positive hug)))))

liz fenwick said...

Just to say thinking of you!

Billy said...

Sympathy can sometimes be aggravating since no one is in your shoes but you. (And give the bad cells hell--a good talkin' to.)

SabineM said...

Oh I hope you feel better soon!
Sounds horrible!
Thinking of you! I thought of you just now, because I put up a video of my oldest at her horse show this weekend. If you can muster up some energy and want a distraction(that involves horses) come check it out (you will just have to scroll lower then the EARTH HOUR)...also there is a slidewhow of her show a month ago on the right side of the blog!
HOpe you can get back on that horse soon!

Carol and Chris said...

No sympathy coming at you from here either!!

I agree with JJ and Billy - direct your anger at those bad cells and give em hell!!!

C x

hesitant scribe said...

Thank you all for being, so... er... unsympathetic! In a very sympathetic kinda way - now how do you manage that?!

Am taking all your advice and talking to those rogue cells firmly - but the Chinese acupuncturist said I mustn't get angry, so telling them firmly and with love, to kindly bugger off!

Been a bad few days this time round folks, and am missing the horses. Hell, am missing being upright!